Life seems to forever in a state of chaos BUT there is beauty and peace!

 

 
That is what has become my comfort, seeking peace.  Remembering that being alone doesn't have to be a bad thing.  So I am resting, trying to find my wings so I can soar.

Most days it is slow going and I find myself sometimes filled with anxiety.  Always going back to finding things I can control that bring me peace.  Soon Spring will be here, I am seeing signs in my yard.  I am looking forward to getting out there but the weather needs to go up just a few more degrees before I won't freeze my hands off even with gloves on.

Hello.....

February.....the little old ground hog didn't see his shadow so this means an early spring.  Oh how I hope so!  I am ready for the smell of freshly turned dirt that comes with spring.  You know the smell, it is when those flowers start pushing up their heads trying to find the sky and the warmth of the sun.  That is where I kind of feel I am right now, trying to push my authentic self to the surface.  I truly feel a heavy weight baring down on me and it has been making me angry.  Angry because I just can't figure it out, if it is one thing or a combination of things.  I want to get quiet so I can figure it all out but my  house is anything but quiet.
 

The only thing that seems to help is making art but I've always known this.  It is really hard to let myself go when I create strictly because I am a perfectionist.  Yes, little ole me, liking things a certain way all the time.  I am trying to remember that I don't need to be perfect but in my head right now I seem to not be doing much right these days.  I know it is a perspective thing.  Trust me I am trying to relax and just let things go.  It just leaves me tired and then my outlook isn't very good.  I am taking advantage of the days that my daughter doesn't work until later in the day and that is helping.  Slowly I am figuring things out just sometimes I wish it could be faster.  Then I have to remember if it was faster maybe it wouldn't stick with me.

 Happy Valentine's Day and may you be blessed beyond measure!!  

It's cold outside!

We are hard and fast into winter right now.  The weather is bitter cold, the hot chocolate kind of days that make you want to sit under the covers all day.  Rarely though, do I get to do that because as a Mom and Granny, duty calls. 

You can however even tell when winter hits inside the house because this is what my dishwasher looks like....more mugs!    

For years I have had these little mugs just waiting for little grand kids in my life.  I am happy to report that they are being used and it makes me so happy.  Hot Chocolate complete with peppermint mini marshmallows!  The little dipper mug I have had since Nicole was little and she used to use it when she had 'coffee' with Daddy. 

10 Things

Happy New Year everyone!  I hope you all receive blessings beyond measure this year and that you are met right where you are.

My 10 things this month are total random because well I have been all over the place in emotions.

1. One of my favorite artists is Kelly Rae Roberts and I have always wanted to own something of hers.  Things come up though and it seems I just never get around to it.  Yesterday apparently was my day!  I was a local thrift store and there this beautiful lady was.  Telling me exactly what I needed to hear.

2.  A jar of beautiful beads that my daughter allowed me to put on display in my corner.

3.  Jars of buttons, they make me so happy.  I can spend hours looking at them.

4.  Pretty fabric on the top of my list to do something with soon!  Just not sure what.

5.  Alphabet letters, from the thrift store to use in my art.

6.  My new gardening boots that are sitting quietly in my corner waiting for Spring.

7. My new stove and the special teapot I bought my daughter for Christmas.

8. Cinnamon Rolls that look like a flower when you put them on a plate.

9.  This little lady taking a picture of me.....I love her.

10.  My Grandson celebrating his 5th birthday.     

Happy New Year's Eve

Whether you are home with family, sitting alone anywhere, curled up with a good book, or maybe just in a room with a lot of people.....I wish nothing but the best for you in this coming New Year.  As 2012 is coming to an end on the West Coast, in just about an hour I have chosen my word for 2013 or maybe it has chosen me.....this next year I will seek JOY.  I am sure it will meet me right where I am and teach me a thing or two.  Do you have a special word for the coming New Year?   

The last few weeks have been full of sewing, up until the last hours of Christmas Eve.  I made 4 quilts, altered newborn baby clothes for my Granddaughter's dolls which totaled over 2000 yards of thread and so many hours of sitting at my faithful machine that I am still sore.

 

My partner in crime, my youngest daughter Michaela, that blessed me by helping every minute that she could, so I could sew.  I think I will owe her coffee out for weeks.

These are the dolls that my Granddaughter's found under the tree after breakfast Christmas morning.  Their faces were priceless!  Each one came with their own diaper bag of clothes and I included a name tag with who they are.  Painting the faces and stitching on the hair was relaxing and fun. 

My heart was in a different place this Christmas and so much I can't still understand.  I am taking it one day at a time and the best thing is, I know I am okay.  It is a wonderful feeling to know that the not so great things that happen, don't take me to a horrible place anymore.  They make step back and see how far I have come.

PS.......Tracey, you need to contact me so I can get your book out to you

Good morning!  Tracey and Jess, please email me with your contact information so I get things out to you as soon as possible. 

Lately I have had to face a few things about myself and while it isn't easy somehow I muddle through.

I tend to get caught up in looking for something to the point of getting really angry at myself.  This has happened many times over my life.  I even pride myself in knowing where all my stuff is because it helps me to not get angry, most of the time.  All my not so used stuff is in one full row and one corner of my garage.  When we moved in 2008 I downsized quite a bit and put my stuff into large plastic covered bins.  As each year goes by I have been able to let go of more stuff, it does feel good as you lighten your load.  When I downsize, I KNOW I have whatever I am looking for, in this case it was a pattern for a doll and I can actually see the pattern that I am looking for in my mind.  I'm not sure if this is an anxiety issue or what but I will literally loose sleep over it until whatever I am looking for is found.  It is like my brain is going a hundred miles an hour, flipping like an old film real retracing every step I have taken while putting things away.   So how do I deal with it?  I have to make myself slow down and pray.  The answer doesn't always come right away but this time I felt a peace with in minutes.  Then with all the gentleness God whispered why don't you look in the storage box at the base of your bed?  Yep, looking for the pattern for four days and where is it all a long?  My old toy box that has been at the base of my bed for years with my needlework.  Just shook my head at myself.  Next time I will just go to God first when I need help finding something, then I can be easier on myself.   

In thinking about Christmas for my Grandchildren I didn't have problems picking out what I wanted to do for the young ones but my oldest Granddaughter, she is a whole new story.  She is a smart young girl with a mind of her own, who has yet to find exactly what she likes to do.  Barbies don't work so I am going to make her a doll in hopes that she will click with her.  Yes, I realize there is only a couple of weeks until Christmas but I haven't felt anything for Christmas this year so I am going with what excitement as it comes.  I have been shopping Goodwill, Value Village, thift stores for just the right little outfits for her doll.  Many hours have been put in on my sewing machine.  I'm so excited, it is nice!   

Giveaway announcement and 10 Things.....

I apologize for the delay in the give away.  The days just ran into each other as I was getting my dh ready to leave for a week, it got kinda crazy.  OH, and add having to take a late Saturday night trip to the mall before closing because his last pair of jeans blew out.  So here we are today!!  Thank you for being patient with me!!

Since I was delayed I gave everyone an extra chance to win AND am sending a second person a little care package from me.  Each of your stories touched my heart probably more than you will ever understand.  I think what is important is that we never forget to just be there for people.  You just never know when your smile or extended hand will help someone through a rough day.  Congradulations to Tracey, you will receive the special book from Brave Girls and Jess, you will receive the special package from me.  Both of you please email me your address!    

The last month of the year to celebrate the 10 Things I am Thankful for right now.......

1. My sewing machine, how many hours I have spent teaching myself to sew in the beginning of having you. 

2.  The gift of creativity that I have, it falls into everything I do.

3.  The non ending love that my cat Sneakers has for me, even on my bad days he knows exactly when I might need him to jump up in my lap for a bit of loving.(even right now he is making it hard to type while he sits in my lap)

4.  The oooo's and aaahhh's from my youngest Granddaughter who is 2, while she sees the pretty lights as we drive to the store.

5.  The snow because it sets my heart in the right place.  The reason?  To see each snowflake fall and realize there are NO two alike.  How awesome is that!?!

6.  Christmas movies, my youngest daughter and I are really the only ones who watch one almost everyday until the end of the year.  Thank you Netflix!  lol

7.  My new to me black leather couches......these make me so happy.  We have been needing to replace our current couches for sometime.  They were such a great deal on our local craigslist for $400 for a pair.  Yep totally happy!! 

8.  Coffee at my favorite Starbucks.

9.  Shopping especially with my children.  Ya, know when they were young I didn't like taking them with me much but as they got older it became pretty fun.    

10.  My lava lamp, without it I wouldn't be able to see where to go at night.   

Welcome December, I am not sure I am ready for you. We have had one snow fall the beginning of November and I hadn't even put my summer clothes away.  I'm hoping it does snow soon, I know a crazy thought but I am having a difficult time thinking that it is even the Christmas season.  Yes, there are Christmas lights in the neighborhood and people are shopping.  I am just not feeling it.

The one thing that has helped me this year has been finding my love of sketching.  Threw the classes The Art of Wild Abandonment 1 and 2, I have fought my inner critic telling me that I just can't do it.  Well, I don't believe her anymore, she is wrong.  Junelle Jacobson is such a wonderful teacher and leaves you feeling like you can do just about anything.  You can find out more about her two classes on her blog, once you pay you have a one year access to the classroom.  This helps you be able to go at your own pace which is wonderful.

 

I love fall it is one of my most favorite times of year.  So it only seemed natural to make sure that my art journal, received a little bit of my favorite time of year.  I collected a few beautiful leaves this year and each one of them just caught my heart.  With the leaves I tried to stay true to the pattern of colors that I was seeing in them.  These two sketches are a couple of my most favorites and fill me with great peace.  The little bird and his nest is just one that is in my house.  A proof that you can take something from inside your house and make it look as if you had seen in outside.

Be sure you enter my special giveway here and share your memory with me!

Thankfulness

As I sit here today I am quickly taken back to two years ago, when I paid for a class, Soul Restoration 1.  I honestly couldn't really afford at the time but God saw my heart.  I have shared here before different things that I have learned but seriously it prepared me for my future more than I could have ever realized at the time.  Teaching me that I can learn from my past while not getting caught up in it allowing myself to go to dark places.  As each thing has been handed to me the last couple of years I have been able to enjoy the journey even if it was a hurtful place.

The foundation in the class really helps you to focus on the things that are most important.  I didn't notice it so much last year because we were terribly busy settling into our second oldest and her babies moving in with us.  This year, I am seeing things so differently it is actually quite amazing.  I am not allowing myself to get caught up in the commercialized Christmas, where it seems it is a goal to have the biggest newest thing.  I am not really in a I want or need mode anymore, it is really nice.  I've even taken steps this year to cut my spending and it has made me extremely happy to be at peace.

So on this last day of November 2012 I would like to celebrate by giving away a special gift.  This beautiful book 'A Little Bird Told Me', filled with a 30 day collection of inspiration put together by Melody Ross from her Little Bird daily truth messages.  I've been receiving these little messages in my email since they have started and each one speaks to me right where I am.  So let me tell you how you can be entered into this special give away.

Christmas is a time for family and friends so as this time grows closer, tell me about a special friend and share a special memory of the two you. 


I have said many times before Brave Girls Club and the community means the world to me.  They have truly given me those special friends that I knew I was missing.


For extra entries in the give away:

1.  Link my blog on facebook and/or your own blog.  Come back here to leave a separate comment telling me that is what you have done.
2.  If you become follower leave me another comment.


The winner will be chosen randomly one week from today Friday, December 7th.  Make sure when you are sharing your memory that you leave me your contact information. 

It is that time 10 on the 10th!

I have taken a lot of online classes this year and as I have thought of the year these are my top 10 favorites.  If you ever get a chance to take anyone of these classes I would recommend them fully!  I wish I could say I have finished everyone BUT some have lifetime access so, I can work at my own pace which is wonderful.  My goal for 2013 is to make sure I finish what I have started. 

1.  A Lovely Dream with Suzi Blu.  I am no stranger to this beautiful lady.  I started with Petite Dolls and have been in love ever since.  This class was filled with videos once or twice a month for the whole year.  I've also taken the Fairies class but have yet to get anything on canvas.  Right now I have about 6 fairies that need to come out of my sketch book!  If you have ever wanted to take one of Suzi's classes, Petite Dolls or Portraits do it now!  This year is your last chance, they are being retired and won't be sold again.  Jump in, you will have the videos forever once you download them.  It is a good deal! 

2. Tim Holtz Creative Chemistry 101.....seriously wonderful class!!  Learned so much about Ranger products and how to use them.  Left me feeling excited to use what I have learned.

3.  Brave Girl Art School......this class is closed right now.  I am sure they will offer it come 2013, just keep a look out!

4.  Learn Something new everyday.......Shimelle is a wonderful teacher and artist.  Classes are full of so much content you will be busting at the seams.  Once you take her classes you have lifetime access and a few let you come back from year to year.  This makes it so worth it even if money is tight for you, once you are in, you are in!

5.  Cover to cover another Shimelle class.  The perfect place to learn how to put an album together cover to cover.   

6.  The art of Wild Abandonment 1 and The art of Wild Abandonment, Bless this mess.  I have found my heart, love for sketching and watercolors in this class.  Junelle Jacobson draws you into believing in yourself again.  A true blessing and you have a whole year to access!

7.  Inspiration Showcase with Jennifer McGuire.  A technique filled class you will soon not forget. 

8.  Okay well maybe I should have given Shimelle her very on blog post.  What can I say I am stuck on her classes and Scrapbook Remix is just as wonderful as all the rest.  My life is kinda crazy right now so I am just reading material and will start working on it soon.   

AND so looking forward too........

9.  Journal Your Christmas 2012.....so the new class information isn't up yet but keep checking back with Shimelle.  I am sure it will be up soon!  Best bang for your buck!!  Spend the dollars and come back every year!!

10.  A Whimsy Winter Workshop with Christy Tomlinson.  Class starts this week and hopefully will get me in the mood for Christmas.

Choose one or a few.....you might just find something you have been looking for!  I know I have.

Maybe this just looks like a big pile of papers to you.  To me though it represents a life I am letting go of.  A time when I cared more about the things I had then the life that was going on around me.  A life that made me feel secure by what I had or created.  Those feelings years ago caused me to get my family into over $10,000 worth of debt.  This pile of papers had been sitting in a bag for months, waiting for me to find the time to shred it.  Last week I finally just did it.  The freedom came for me and I felt a release for creating that I haven't had in quite a few months.

My past doesn't define me but by holding onto all of this I was allowing it too.  Each receipt would take me back to the days I hid what I was doing from the ones I loved.  I have done a few home businesses over the years and I had to not look at the names on the receipts.  I could remember most of my customers faces and what they purchased.  The countless times I showed up to do a home show and people weren't home.  The worst were the people who paid with a bounced check, only for me to have to cover what they ordered.  I can't help but wonder what some of them are doing, while others I thought were my friends turned out to only like me for what I had.  Interesting isn't it?

I see things so much differently as I have allowed myself to heal.  To figure out the source of my spending habits was the biggest thing in my life.  It is freeing and allows me to recognize when I might be falling into that place so that I can stop.  It is awesome feeling. So hear is to letting go!!

I have spent hours looking at this blank page trying to figure out where to start and reading over past posts because honestly I can't seem to remember everything I have shared this year.  Looking back it isn't much and pretty vague.  I've felt I needed to be in that place, a place of silence.  I didn't want to be silent really, it just seemed like the right thing.

This past week marked a year that this beautiful lady left this world, she was 16 - 18 years old in this photo.  Countless times over the course of the year I found myself picking up the phone to call her or overcome with a sadness.  It has been harder than I thought it would be.  I thought that after Mom died that my brothers would be better at keeping in touch with me but that hasn't happened.  I will take responsibility for my actions.  I could be doing more to keep in touch myself but there are only so many hours in the day.  Most of those hours are taken up with caring full time for my beautiful Grandbabies, this is something I do not regret.  When you pray to God and ask Him to take care of your children, saying you will do anything it takes to help, you open yourself up to where I am at.  There are things you have to let go of so you can function daily, for me making extended family connections has been one of those things.  I have never want to force myself on my brothers, nagging them to call me more often.  I LOVE them and I am complete when I am with them.  They are missing out on so much of my beautiful life, hopefully some day they will really let me into theirs.

The fall has given way to cooler temperatures and the clouds have moved in.  It seems they have been sticking around for days with only little breaks for sunshine.  Our October has been as busy as usual with Marching Band season and it was glorious.  So proud of each and everyone of the kids especially my daughter Michaela for her hard work, dedication and sacrifices she has made as head drum major.  If you would like to see the video of their final performance, click here.  Enjoy!!

10 things I love right now!!

Here is to the month of October, taking time to finish and publish 10 things on the 10th!  Amazing I know! 

1. Cooler weather, peri-menopause and I don't seem to be getting along these days.  The cooler weather does wonders!

2.  The quiet time before everyone gets up in the morning.  I will NEVER take that for granted!

3.  My blog, even if it is neglected right now.   

4.  You wonderful people that keep coming back to check what I'm up too.

5.  Fall leaves and each one of the colors that are showing right now.

6.  The chance to take a break from the garden.  I need to be able to not feel guilty for letting it take a backseat right now.

7.  Banana Bread and Blueberry scones

8.  White Chocolate Mocha's and looking forward to Egg Nog Lattes

9.  Having the healing release of drawing Petite Dolls, I have close to 12 waiting to come to life 

10.  My children, being able to realize that they have all turned out pretty darn good.

Happy Fall

I sit here in amazement really on how fast time goes.  It is now October, the weather is changing getting cooler and this weekend starts Marching Band season for our family.  The bamd kids have been practicing since August and it is looking to be a wonderful show.  I might be a little bias since my youngest daughter Michaela is the head Drum Major.  She has been through so much especially this past year and I am just so happy that she is in a better place, so this can be a part of her life.

 This summer I finally found a couple of pieces of furniture that meet our needs in our familyroom.  This is the one that holds all our DVD/VHS's , it was a total spare of the moment purchase but one that has managed to clean things up pretty nicely.  I'm just so excited about it.  This piece also holds an emotional thing for me, it helps to remind me that I CAN refrain from spending.  That if I spend less I will have more for those special things that come along.  I am VERY proud of myself, one little step at a time.

Thank you for sticking around while I have been working some stuff out.  I do appreciate everyone of you who come to visit.   

Time goes on......

I am seriously not sure where the time goes.  It seemed just like yesterday that we were headed into summer now it is cooler in the mornings and warmer in the afternoons.  Three weeks ago I was out on my porch and I actually felt the season change.  It was pretty strange.  I could feel the crisp fall smells coming and I have felt them getting stronger as each day has gone by.

The last nine months have been anything but normal.  Trying to find my balance as I am certain I have said before.  I tried my forever fail safe, in taking classes only to be disappointed in myself in not getting any of them done.  I have however, have felt a shifting the last few weeks and that is the best feeling.  It is like I have been birthing this new life, a life that I prayed for but didn't expect it to be like this.  I have gone from having my own time, to full time care giver of my grandchildren.  I wouldn't change anything but it is not what I thought it would be.  I can dream everything about the day, what to do with my gbabies only to have life come in and take hold.  They are here everyday, all day with very few breaks.  This house has had to relearn to do loud well and that we do.  For me it has been a challenge and I would be lying if I said I was okay with the loudness.  I am relearning to get up early so I will have my quiet time.  Tonight is the first time in weeks that I have been at peace with writing, it feels good.

The month of August I did a lot of sewing.  One quilt for my oldest Granddaughter with fabric I have had picked out since the day she was born, 6 years ago.  Then I made a total of 8 dresses for both my Granddaughter's.  It was nice to get somethings done that I have been on my to do list for way to long!!

So here is to fall, settling in for cuddles under warm blankets, cups of hot tea or cocoa and being done with putting off projects.  Just getting things done so I can find my lost creative self.  She has been resting for months and wants to be awake!

Hiding

A common theme right now in my life is finding the little things that are hiding to make me slow down.

A hummingbird similar to this photo, that my sister in law took, visiting me one afternoon on my deck.  He hummed right in front of my face for what seemed like five minutes but I know it was only a few seconds.

A raspberry and a kiwi that have heart shapes in them. 

Getting a chance to hold a dragonfly before he warmed up enough to fly away.

One morning starting my weekly laundry, looking outside the window and seeing a hummingbird.  Another picture from my sister in law!

I have been surprised how just the few little things make a day turn from bad to good.  I would love to say that I have had a summer filled with lots of happy and laughing times, that would not be truth.  I have had to find my peace within myself, not always an easy task.

I have discovered that if I am not feeling secure in being a Mom I will spend money.  It is actually been nice to embrace this reality and come to terms with it.  It has helped me to focus and start spending less money.  I am actually very proud of myself for not using my credit card as much as I had been.  It is so freeing.  So much that I was able to purchase a beautiful piece of furniture.  It holds 85% of our DVD's and all our VHS's!   

I can't say I am done hiding from blogland but I am working so much out right now.  It is all good!!  Thank you for sticking around!!

Memories

Last month I did get back to scrapbooking, it feels good to be remembering things.  It hasn't always been that way.  It took me years to be alright with scrapbooking my children.  Time was going by so fast I couldn't scrapbook in the moment.  I found it almost painful.  Now that my children are almost grown it brings me joy to create memories for them.

This is one of those layouts that are extremely excited about.  I started with this layout from Shimelle's starting point from last week.  My journaling will be done in the hidden pocket because I want it to be a little more private.  It just makes me so incredibly happy.  I remember the day so well.  It is one of those photos that I thought I would never use just because I can't see my daughter's face.  She is now almost seventeen and her hair isn't that blonde anymore.  Everything came from my stash except for the purchase of the glittered swirls and the splatter of  Daler Rowney Liquid Acrylic in Waterfall Green.

Truth

I've talked about truth here before, it is something that is important to me and part of the center of who I am.  Most all people I have run into agree that it is an important part of one's life but hard to look at.  That is okay because in the long run it is what helps us to grow.


When you are going through a rough time and God or universe is knocking at your heart, what do you do?  My thoughts are a jumbled mess or so it seems.  I write stuff out in hopes that it will make some sort of sense.  If I don't write even a line of an idea done, it is gone.  Age or perimenopause?  I don't know what to blame but I am trying to make adjustments.  There have been a couple of people I hold dear to my heart right now because they have been writing about truth.  Check these wonderful ladies out, here and here.  May their words help you as much as they have me.  Thank you for your honesty ladies, it has brought me to a good place!!   

My reality is that my life is anything but normal.  I have gone through waves of emotions the last few months and that has been the reason for my constant lack of writing here on my blog.  Here I force myself to be real so it is important for me to be open.  When you have a difficult time being honest with yourself, how can you even consider being honest with someone else?  So I remain silent BUT what I am figuring out is silence isn't always the best thing, it can be deadly.  In this case it has brought me almost to a creative stand still.  I find it hard to get going on things I want to do, some projects get started then never finished and then the lack of motivation sets in.  You can say you want to do things and you have things planned BUT if you never do them, who is missing out?  What are you missing out on?

The list of things I have been struggling with seems to be so long.  I know if I focus on them to much it would be easy for me to make myself out to be a victim.  I don't want to be that person.  I don't want this place to be a negative one but a place full of hope.  I am facing my struggles but the amount of grief that I had to face to get here wasn't the happiest.  It surprised me and I couldn't believe I was in such a negative place again.

Today I am slowing down, listening to the birds outside, watching my Grandbabies play and tackling one project at a time.  Join me as I lift myself up out of a hole I was digging myself into.

I didn't finish LOAD but I did get quite a few pages done so I am okay with what is ready for albums.  I took  time this past month to figure out what works for me in albums, my likes and dislikes.  Over the years I put to much money into post bound albums to just up and not use them.  I needed a solution for storage for pages finished so they would be kept safe until they are put into my children/grand children's albums.  I finally found something I am sooo happy with and excited to use.......We R Memory Keepers Leather 12x12 Binder albums.  I do want to have some type of order to my scrapbooks when I put them together for my children.  This will help me to be able to keep layouts together without them being damaged.  Plus all the colors they come in make me happy too!!  Hey, a girl has got to get color in somehow!

I do have to say that even if I didn't finish LOAD it did for me what I was hoping for, it helped get me to scrapbook again.  I have been able to finish layout that have been in the works for years...yes, years.  You know the ones....you take time to gather paper, embellishments and you might even cut all the paper for placement.  Yep, those are the ones I've worked on!  I don't have a lot of layouts that I do that are the same for my children's in less it involves family vacations or holiday's.

 This is one of my favorite set of layouts I did, my daughter's first year as Drum Major.  Can't wait to work on more of Marching Band!

I have never been one to believe in magic or illusion.  I want to see things how they really are, slowing down to 'see' life.  When you do this I guess magic does happen, like yesterday when this beautiful dragonfly landed on my husbands work gloves. To think I almost got angry over him not putting them away!

As I looked at this beautiful guy I realized again the God is all about the details in life.  He sees me and hears me!  As this dragonfly sat on my finger I could feel his heart beat.  His wings started to buzz a bit.  It didn't take to long before he received enough warmth that he was off on a new adventure.  Thank you God for winking at me!  You knew exactly what I needed and I am so glad!!