Monday, March 03, 2008

Sometimes in life we are not to ask why........

A week ago today I was having brunch with my step mom and my daughter. We had flown in to see family and spend a glorious week of loving on Grandbabies.

It was a week ago today that my step brother Gregory decided to end his life. It is in this that you DO question why, why did he feel that he couldn't change? Why did he choose of all places my house? Such much selfishness comes into play. He said that he knew the pain that was coming for all of us, but that he was just to lazy to change. You just don't know whether to be mad or sad.

I tried so hard to make him relize that he just wasn't my step brother. We were flesh and blood and to me that is the biggest thing. I didn't care if we only had the same Dad, it really didn't matter to me. He was my brother and always will be.
He seemed happier the last few months. Yes, he had tried to end his life two times before this, so when it happened everyone didn't seem so shocked. He would have found a way somehow, it didn't matter. He was just waiting for the right time. His note said that 'the third time is a charm'. I will never use those words ever again.

I truly thank God himself for protecting my children from finding him. I had a very dear friend coming at mid morning to take care of our little dog and cats. She and her husband were the ones that found him, called 911 and my husband. I can not imagine what they saw. I can't take the images away that are in their dreams. Oh how I want too!! I want to make everything okay. Time heals all wounds and I pray that it heals, taking the ugliness with it.

Gregory Lawerence Holmes, I will always love you. Your sister, Juel


Michelle said...


I'm very sorry for your loss. My thought and prayers go out to you and your family and friends.

Kathy said...

I am so sorry for your loss. I do not know what you are going thru at this time. However I can feel your pain in your words. May God fill you with PEACE, that as only HE can. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

Stampin n da Hood said...

Just breaks my heart...
I'm holding you and the family close to my heart my friend..