Friday, July 25, 2014

Celebrate Life

This past June I celebrated my 30th wedding Anniversary.  Sometimes it is seriously hard to realize that we have been together for that long.  In my mind I can still see us as young parents running after our children, then I see them.  Growing old use to scare me and to be honest it still does at times.  I guess now, I am just learning that life is all to short to be caught up in the worrying about stuff.  God doesn't want us to do that anyway. 



My husband gave me a very special gift for our Anniversary, a beautiful 2003 Cobalt Blue Corvette.  For 25 years he has always asked what kind of car I have wanted.  Bright blue, a two seater(so we don't have to take anyone with us) and I wanted to be able to go fast.  Truth be told I didn't think he would remember my idea of a dream car but it is safe to say he got it spot on!  I have named her Charlie after her former owner, our brother in law Chuck Reece who lost his fight with cancer this past spring. 

So today I am going to enjoy life.  I am going to choose to not get caught up in the what ifs.  I will enjoy the sun on my face, the light breeze I feel across my cheeks and a good drive in my new car.  My friend Goog died this past week suddenly of a stroke and she will never feel those things again.  I want to make sure I don't take things for granted, life is to short for regrets.  So here's to you Chuck Reece and Goog......I will drive with the top down for you because it looks like it is going to be a good day for it!


Saturday, July 19, 2014

Be Gentle

Where have I been?  Taking care of little ole me, which I promised myself I would do this year. 

I have spent the last several months with a personal trainer and I am happy to report that my mind is changing towards serious exercise.  I have had lower back issues for years, it has been increasing in pain for a few months.  Showing itself in the form of nerve issues in my feet.  Imagine having tons of little needles poking into the bottoms of your feet, then it leaves you with a burning tingling feeling or like you have little crawling things on your skin.  A check up with my doctor found me going in for an xray.  They found that I am having some arthritis in my lower back.  I believe their is probably a bit more going on, since I have lost a half inch a year for the past couple of years.  If their is nerve damage going on, nothing can really be done except for time for them to heal.  Exercise is helping but doesn't relieve all the pain. I am getting stronger and just have to keep doing what I am doing to have relief.  I am learning to be gentle with myself in every area of my life.  It is hard when you are your own worst critic, who wants instant results.

So many changes have been happening and I promise to share more with you very soon!  I just won't let two months go by before posting again.  Please continue to come back!  I do have so much to share with you as the fog is lifting from my heart.  

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Life

Life just keeps going, each day passes brings new life.  When I made the decision last fall to have my hernia surgery I gave myself permission to take care of me.  I haven't always done the best job of that...self care.  Deciding to take this year to take care of me in all things hasn't been easy.  Sometimes I am scared of the words that come from my mind so much so that I can push them away telling myself that I don't have time to think about them.  The reality is in doing that I have hurt part of myself.  It took me saying yes to self care to understand that.  I have not wanted to face the disappointment I have had with myself in so many areas.  I have realized though that if it wasn't well with my soul that there was going to be no way I could be okay with anything else in my life.  Now I know their is no going back to change things but I can change where I am now.  That is the kind of change that I am learning to be okay with.  Somewhere the last couple of years I stopped choosing to be happy.  It was like I was slowly drowning and I couldn't get any air no matter how much I knew I shouldn't take on other peoples stuff.  How could I be happy if others around me weren't?  I let so much effect everything in my life.  Since my last post I feel like I am coming out of a deep fog.  I can see things a little bit clearer now and life is getting ready to change again for me.  All is good and I am learning what over flowing joy is all about.  I'm doing my best to embrace it!  I hope you will come back to visit. 

Monday, April 07, 2014

Pain

Yet again I learned a lesson the last couple of weeks about pain...if any of your teeth are hurting for any reason go to the dentist! 

After my surgery in December my jaw joint was hurting like crazy.  I chalked it up to being under pain, a little stress with the holidays and all the adjustments that have been being made to my schedule so far this year.  Well, with face swelling and pain not going away, even with Tylenol it was time to do something.  Dentist didn't even need to see me before he put me on antibiotics to make it through the weekend until I could get into seeing him the following week.  A couple of x-rays later a root cancel was needed. They got into the damaged tooth only to find 2 more that needed to be done.  So I can tell you this.....3 root cancels in one day isn't fun especially when it has to be taken care of through a crown.  I wouldn't even wish it on my worst enemy!  It turned out that some decay got underneath my crown so today marks the day I go in to have it replaced.

To all of this, you can add two of our cats needing to go in for dental surgery to have a few of their own teeth removed.  Cats teeth actually will rot if they don't fall out and can start causing other issues.  With our oldest Sneakers it showed up in bad scabs on his face.  At least now they are happy cats, overly happy.

Tomorrow I meet with a personal trainer to work on getting in shape so I can just feel good all over.  I sure hope everyone in the house remains healthy for the rest of the year!!    

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Healing

It sometimes takes so long to heal and it kind of reminds me of winter.  Winter settles in, you wrap yourself up in a nice blanket and you wait to see the growth that is going on underneath.  That is how it has been for me for such a long while.  I have tried to force things but it comes back to me needing to slow down, waiting for my strength to return.  Everyday I am taking steps to take care of myself.  For for someone who has always taken care of others it is a big deal to me.  I've never been good with saying no to people because it is in my nature to help others.  Now it is time for me.

I started this past fall by taking a new Brave Girl class called Soul Comfort.  It was such a good thing for me and it helped me to settle into taking care of myself.  I didn't realize that I had almost forgotten what it was like.  I have had to face how busy I have been with taking care of my Grands full time.  While I love to do it most days and so glad they are part of my life I wasn't taking care of me.

The fall was followed by winter which is still surrounding Spokane with cold temperatures.  Christmas was quiet for me as I was recovering from my surgery for my umbilical hernia, with very little baking taking place.  I sat back and took care of me.  It was some of the worst pain I have ever had.  I depended so much on my family and they were right there making sure my every need was met.  When everyone went back to work/school in January I actually had to remember how to make meals for myself. It took me about 2 weeks to get back into the swing of things.  Slow going, when you aren't suppose to lift over 15 lbs.

I kept myself busy with working on two very special Quiet Books for my two youngest Grands.  Loads of hand work!!  I can say I perfected my blanket stitch!!  As of today I am designing out the covers and will soon be putting the finishing touches on them!  Soul Comfort ended and I was able to win a place in the new Brave Girls class called The Walk.  I am learning so much about myself again and doing so more growing.  This new year has also marked me moving to taking care of my Grands part time.  My daughter has a wonderful man that is in love with her and the children.  They are now blending their two families and expecting another little one come June.

This day I feel blessed and full.  I don't like everything that is going on in the world but my world is good.  Lots to look forward to, challenges to meet head on and people to love.  Really, it can't get any better than that!  Happy New Year everyone and thanks for sticking around!    

Monday, December 23, 2013

I am alive and Merry Christmas

Oh my friends and family how I have missed visiting with you.  Rather than quilt myself into posting, to be a negative Nancy while I was posting, I chose to just rest and take care of myself.  It has felt good so good to focus on taking care of me.  As I write it, it seems awful selfish but trust me sometimes we have to be selfish when it comes to taking care of ourselves.  I have been far to forgetful about myself for way to long.

I have been taking a new course by Melody Ross called Soul Comfort.  We are encouraged to do hard things as well as easy things.  My hard thing was to make a surgery date for my hernia.  I am happy to say that surgery time has past and I am recovering nicely.  It sure does make getting out of bed interesting but I tell you what I am looking forward to not being in pain anymore.  I am even looking forward to going to the gym when I receive my doctors release!  Through this I have learned that I am way stronger physically than I thought I was.  It makes me happy with myself.

This Christmas is going to be a bit different.  Everything around here is low key this year and I am truly okay with that.  I have even scaled back in gift giving which has made me feel pretty darn good.  I have even been able to resist compulsive buying.  I am finally becoming at peace within myself and it is so nice.

To you and your family, Merry Christmas!  Take time for yourself this Christmas, it will make all the difference to those around you because you will be in a good mood.

Sunday, October 27, 2013

Not typical

I am not a typical Grandparent.  I fall into a category of a Grandparent that is helping to raise her Grandchildren, that makes me a statistic.  You add to this that my home is also their home and it throws in a whole new dynamic.  I never wanted to be a statistic.  It has taken me almost two years to grieve over the loss of what I thought being a Grandparent should be.  My daughter and I joke about me being her other half, the reality is I am never going to be able to be her other half.  I can't give her the love she craves or the security she needs for her and the children.

My daughter told me something the other day and it has changed my way of thinking....I am my Grand children's other half.  I am with them everyday, helping to raise them.  When my daughter is at work they are either with me or at school.  My daughter and I have faced our share difficult days of not seeing eye to eye on discipline but I am learning.  We have become a strong unit for the kids and I am able to sit back letting her be the Mom when she is home.   Anyone who knows me, this is a BIG thing!

I am seeing how as parents we grow up with our children and we settle into whatever age they are in.  It is hard to go back to those hard places, when you have settled with being done with having young children around.  Memories flood back when you are in the midst of a 3 year old's tantrum or a 7 year old's attitude.  You start to remember what worked and what didn't.  It makes you feel so worn out. 

One of the things that I don't do well anymore is loud.  I can only put up with it for so long, even the TV gets loud.  I have to constantly remind myself that kids just need to be loud at times and I don't tune things out well.  I seriously just want to scream and most of the time that is what I do on the inside.  I look forward to the quiet of the mornings and the quietness that comes when everyone is fast asleep.  I can finally think, finish a sentence or even a conversation!

In sharing today I just want others that might be facing the same thing that you aren't alone.  It does get better because I am finally seeing it!  It just takes time, more time than some of us would like.  Let's all just hold on for a bit more and see how far we can go.