Thursday, October 01, 2015

A new understanding

In February of this year my Son went on an adventure to Blackburn England, he would be gone for 10 months.  It has been hard, sometimes ugly for me.  We have all heard the statement; you never know what you have until it is gone.  That is what happened to me.

My Son is the last child at home, so I chalked it up as empty nesting issues.  For the first three months I lost sleep, cried loads, and ran away from myself.  It wasn't until I lost a large sum of money somewhere in my house(and still haven't found), that I woke up to realize what was happening.  Once I embraced my loss I have been able to move forward.  I know I haven't really lost my Son but in letting go not only am I growing but he is too.

Here's the thing; when he was little I never wanted him to be considered a Momma's boy.  You see it in the movies and in real life, the Mother that doesn't want to let go of her Son.  It can turn ugly and instead of growing into the man he is suppose to be he shrivels under the weight of his Mother.  I didn't want him to be that young man or for me to be that Mother.

We did normal Mother/Son stuff, snuggles before our day started, the park, movies, video games and coffee dates from the time he was born into now adulthood.  We fought over stupid things, we both hate change but somehow embrace it.  I remember the first time he asked me if he could hang out with his guy friends instead of with me.  He even had done all of his chores.  I knew right there that our lives were changing.  I however clung to knowing I would always be the one he loved first.  

Once we crossed into an adult, adult relationship instead of parent, child relationship the feelings I have for him have gotten stronger.  He is one of the most incredible people I know and I am more thankful for him now than I have ever been.  The strong bond of love that I have for him, hit me hard and has been a sweet surprise.

So today is the first of October, my favorite time of year.  It has taken me more than a week to write this post simply because it is an emotional one.  Today also marks 21 days until my wonderful son comes home.  For my birthday he told me he was coming home early.  To say that I'm just a little excited would be an understatement.  

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