Monday, October 29, 2012

I have spent hours looking at this blank page trying to figure out where to start and reading over past posts because honestly I can't seem to remember everything I have shared this year.  Looking back it isn't much and pretty vague.  I've felt I needed to be in that place, a place of silence.  I didn't want to be silent really, it just seemed like the right thing.

This past week marked a year that this beautiful lady left this world, she was 16 - 18 years old in this photo.  Countless times over the course of the year I found myself picking up the phone to call her or overcome with a sadness.  It has been harder than I thought it would be.  I thought that after Mom died that my brothers would be better at keeping in touch with me but that hasn't happened.  I will take responsibility for my actions.  I could be doing more to keep in touch myself but there are only so many hours in the day.  Most of those hours are taken up with caring full time for my beautiful Grandbabies, this is something I do not regret.  When you pray to God and ask Him to take care of your children, saying you will do anything it takes to help, you open yourself up to where I am at.  There are things you have to let go of so you can function daily, for me making extended family connections has been one of those things.  I have never want to force myself on my brothers, nagging them to call me more often.  I LOVE them and I am complete when I am with them.  They are missing out on so much of my beautiful life, hopefully some day they will really let me into theirs.

The fall has given way to cooler temperatures and the clouds have moved in.  It seems they have been sticking around for days with only little breaks for sunshine.  Our October has been as busy as usual with Marching Band season and it was glorious.  So proud of each and everyone of the kids especially my daughter Michaela for her hard work, dedication and sacrifices she has made as head drum major.  If you would like to see the video of their final performance, click here.  Enjoy!!

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