Friday, November 09, 2012

Maybe this just looks like a big pile of papers to you.  To me though it represents a life I am letting go of.  A time when I cared more about the things I had then the life that was going on around me.  A life that made me feel secure by what I had or created.  Those feelings years ago caused me to get my family into over $10,000 worth of debt.  This pile of papers had been sitting in a bag for months, waiting for me to find the time to shred it.  Last week I finally just did it.  The freedom came for me and I felt a release for creating that I haven't had in quite a few months.

My past doesn't define me but by holding onto all of this I was allowing it too.  Each receipt would take me back to the days I hid what I was doing from the ones I loved.  I have done a few home businesses over the years and I had to not look at the names on the receipts.  I could remember most of my customers faces and what they purchased.  The countless times I showed up to do a home show and people weren't home.  The worst were the people who paid with a bounced check, only for me to have to cover what they ordered.  I can't help but wonder what some of them are doing, while others I thought were my friends turned out to only like me for what I had.  Interesting isn't it?

I see things so much differently as I have allowed myself to heal.  To figure out the source of my spending habits was the biggest thing in my life.  It is freeing and allows me to recognize when I might be falling into that place so that I can stop.  It is awesome feeling. So hear is to letting go!!

No comments: