Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Friends?

Over the last few months I've been thinking about so many things. There are so many, that sometimes, I HAVE felt like I am a horse with blinders on. It is what I have to do to keep my life free from stress because when I am under stress I tend to get migraines that will last for days.(even when I take my medication) I don't like my life with migraines!

One of the things that has been on my mind a great deal has been friends. With all the changes that have been made and that are going to be made very soon, you can't help but wonder. Do you really make a difference to those around you? Why in the face of a tragedy like the death of my brother do the friends you thought were your friends, are no where to be found? I know life is busy for everyone but I truly feel that, that is a choice. Anyone can make a choice to slow down enough to at least pick up the phone, post a email to just say you care. I don't expect anyone to have answers or special words for what I have faced.

Friends coming in and out of my life is something I am not sure I will ever get use too. I really don't like it, it makes it hard to trust people with who you really are. Now don't get me wrong I love my friends, each for a different reasons. I just don't understand the silence. I can count on one hand how many times someone has taken the time to really ask how I am over the course of the last 4 months.(and REALLY want to know the answer.)

I can say without any doubt for anyone that cares, I'm good. I've been able to step past Gregory's death, moving on. He would have wanted that anyway, he wasn't about being fussed over. So to those who haven't called, emailed or phoned. I still love you and I'm making it on my own. I am not angry with you, just realizing that you were in my life for a season. Hopefully, you will be a part of my new season too. It is going to be exciting!!

4 comments:

Kathy said...

Juel,
I have often wondered how you were doing, and checked your blog often to see. I am sorry I didn't email you and ask you HOW are you doing! Guess I thought you would be bombarded with questions like that. So sorry.

My youngest son tried to commit suicide last month when him and his enstranged wife went to Florida. These have not been fun times here either. But I digress, back to you.

My thoughts and prayers are with you. If you want to email anytime, I will be there.

God bless you my dear.
Kathy Kendall

Stampin n da Hood said...

My "juel" of a friend...
I cherish our chats...always followed your lead. It's ALWAYS nice when we can dump on each other or sit back and listen to the other when needed.
Wouldn't change you out for anything!

hugs!

bellameabhn said...

i was really moved by this post, juel~i have been in that situation too! i've always felt that though others' lives were busy, couldn't they just take one moment to check on me? i'm sorry about your brother. my hubby is a funeral director and he says that a lot of times friendships change when one friend has a loss in their life. he says people just don't know what to do or say so sometimes they don't do anything. sometimes it even happens with family members. i'm also sorry about your friends. it's good you posted to them and hopefully they will make a move to let you know they do truly care. have a lovely thursday.
abrazos,
bella

Nicole said...

Hugs to you my CTMH friend! I check your blog often, but silently. I am sorry I haven't posted more so you knew that I cared. I do!! I think you are an amazing and talented woman!

Love,
Nicole